Happy parents?
I am a fan of movies, tv shows, stage productions, books, and even silly online videos.
I know this doesn’t make me special, tons of people love consuming those bits of escapism. But really that is not the point of this blog. I just wanted to lay the groundwork here so that when I say “I notice a trend,” I have receipts.
A frustrating trend through all those mediums and for a healthy chunk of my short life has been… ‘The Unhappy Parents.’ Often the mother, but I have seen this with the father as well.
In these movies, shows, books, etc. the parent is often shown as having given up something of themself or identity, for their kid, marriage, or both. These stories often show the parent forlorn for the life they lost and/or the life they could have had. This scene often starts in a bar, or similar, and the parent looks to a stranger or friend and says, “Can I be honest with you?”
It is never followed up with “I love my kids and my life with them. I wouldn’t change a thing!” Talk about subverting expectations.
No, it's always, “I wish life was different…” and followed up with how they used to be so cool, had so many ambitions, or could have been a [epic job title].
The trope of an unhappy parent has been played out for decades and makes me just bored as a viewer/reader. Not only that, but happy, selfless, and fulfilled parents are almost nonexistent. At best, a character had good parent(s) that died tragically.
So, I guess in cinema and the literary world, you are either an unhappy parent or dead. There is no in-between.
In the book I am shopping around the parents are dead… I know… I am part of the problem. But the important part is that the brothers viewed their dad as a man who sacrificed for them, wanting a better life for his boys than what he had. The brothers look to their dad as an example of what they want to be growing up, and in the flashbacks with their dad we can see why.
I know that fulfilled, happy people don't make for a good epic story jumping off point, but I think we just aren’t trying hard enough. It is just too easy to go to old standbys like a ‘life unlived.’
BTW - If you do want an action movie with a father that is happy with the life they are living and wants to leave the past behind him, look at “The Family Plan” with Mark Wahlberg. His wife in the movie falls into the described trope, but he views their situation differently.
I’ll leave this blog with this last thought. I was walking to an office party with a coworker of mine. I can’t remember what brought it up, but we walked into a hotel lobby and I was saying, truthfully mind you, “Being a dad is the greatest thing I could be. It actually has made me a better person than what I was.” A pilot walking out of the hotel overheard the statement, turned to us and said, “I couldn’t agree with you more.”
Happy parents are out there. We need more of these stories.
